Info here.

In what has got to be a very complicated metaphor, Rep. Sid Miller is proposing a bill to allow people to go up in a helicopter and gun down wild hogs.  There is some concern that something might go wrong if this plan were implemented, but I just don’t see how that could be.  The report at the Huffington Post is really quite funny.

Whiskey Bottles To Be Shot Out Of Air

Immediately After Being Emptied

AUSTIN, TX—A new piece of legislation proposed yesterday on the floor of the Texas Legislature would require that all whiskey bottles be tossed overhead and shot clean out of the air the moment they are emptied. “Every Texan is responsible for disposing of his or her whiskey bottles in the proper fashion,” Plano lawmaker Mitch Travelstead said. “By law, this means no longer stopping to wipe your lips with your shirt sleeve, or howling like some rabid dog at that big yellow moon. It’s time we got serious.” While the new law will likely be strictly enforced, legislators maintained that those without access to firearms could also dispose of their whiskey bottles by having their children toss them off the back of a speeding pickup truck, or by depositing them into the nearest recycling bin.

From: The Onion

You heard it here first: More Than It Hurts You will be nominated for the National Book Award this year.  It reminds me of no book more than The Corrections, which despite the Franzen backlash is a masterpiece.   Strauss might not have attained the perfect touch Franzen achieved in that novel, but More Than It Hurts You shares its general profile and spirit, while also being an unpredictable page turner.

The story centers around a possible case of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy.  If you aren’t a Law and Order: SVU addict, then  you might not know that MSbP is a rare disorder in which a parent, usually a mother, intentionally induces an illness in her child.  Possible motivations differ–the mother might enjoy the attention she receives in a crisis, she might want to galvanize the family around the child’s sickness, or her motivations might not be evident at all.  In Strauss’ novel, the mother in question is Dori Goldin, who is accused of harming her son Zack.  Her accuser, Darlene Stokes, is a young, successful black pediatrician with a child of her own.  The novel is essentially a story of these two families, and the way their very different pasts play into their present turbulent conflict.

Dori and Josh Goldin are to all appearances an alpha couple, the face of a perfect family.  Dori is an ex-phlebotomist become full time mother, and Josh is an ad saleman who works his charm like a corporate Jedi.  Cracks only appear in the facade when their infant Zack “codes” when in the emergency room–for no obvious reason.  In comes Darleen Stokes who finds Dori’s behavior suspicious and Zack’s near fatality inexplicable.  Stokes is a second generation single mother who has, through the determination of her mother and her own intelligence and abition, become the head of pediatrics at a prominant hospital.  Her accusation against the Goldins leads Josh to employ a sharp, if not particularly scrupulous, lawyer…and so it begins: a legal battle, a media firestorm, and a personal trial for all involved.

If you’re thinking this won’t be a stress-free read, you’re right.  No one in the story is perfect, and in general their imperfections are subtle enough that we can relate to them.  And it’s no fun imagining oneself being swept up into the circus of slants and spins that surrounds these characters.  Nevertheless, the novel isn’t burdensome to read.  It pulls more like a thriller than a social novel, and it sparks thought as it’s doing so.  That’s a tough trick.

Strauss is not quite on the echelon of a Roth, but that this even merits saying is a compliment to his ability.  He still has a few pecadillos that can become annoying.  Clever little metaphors are a little too abundant, and there are elements of the plot–like Stokes’ father, the ex-con–that don’t seem to fully pull their weight.  Nevertheless, I’ll probably read everything this guy has written–Chang and Eng, and The Real McCoy–and I will look forward to watch his trajectory.  I predict it’s upward.

This is a really dumb idea, for several reasons.

1. This makes teachers an easy source for a weapon. These people are not trained to fend off attackers. If someone wants to shoot students and teachers in the school, now they don’t have to prepare by planning and purchasing a gun–they can, in the heat of the moment, overpower a teacher, take his/her weapon, and have at it. Criminals who cannot purchase guns but want to go out in a bang can do the same thing.

2. Teachers can go crazy too, and as mentioned above, this allows the heat of the moment to become a factor.

3. Misplaced weapons. One mistake, and a kid has a gun in his/her hands. No matter how careful you are, over a period of years, carelessness will happen.

There are more reasons, but it seems to me that these three simple points should be persuasive to people on both sides of the gun control fence.

If you really want a gun in your school,if you really think the students are such a threat, hire a cop who is trained to handle himself in tough situations.

The 18-wheeler full of banana peels, on the other hand, made it safely to the home of one Wile E. Coyote.