The Daily Sabbatical

Hot New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank In The Face

Jacob Weisburg lists his top 25 Bushisms on Slate.

My favorite of the moment:

15. “It’s important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It’s not only life of babies, but it’s life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet.”—Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000

This is for Torin.

New Texas Legislation Would Require

Whiskey Bottles To Be Shot Out Of Air

Immediately After Being Emptied

AUSTIN, TX—A new piece of legislation proposed yesterday on the floor of the Texas Legislature would require that all whiskey bottles be tossed overhead and shot clean out of the air the moment they are emptied. “Every Texan is responsible for disposing of his or her whiskey bottles in the proper fashion,” Plano lawmaker Mitch Travelstead said. “By law, this means no longer stopping to wipe your lips with your shirt sleeve, or howling like some rabid dog at that big yellow moon. It’s time we got serious.” While the new law will likely be strictly enforced, legislators maintained that those without access to firearms could also dispose of their whiskey bottles by having their children toss them off the back of a speeding pickup truck, or by depositing them into the nearest recycling bin.

From: The Onion

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

WASHINGTON—In a press conference held this morning on the White House
lawn, President Bush formally asked the assembled press corps and
members of his own administration if, in light of today’s election, he
could stop being the president now. “So it’s over, right? Can I stop
being president now?” Bush said after striding to the podium in a Texas
Rangers cap and flannel shirt, carrying a fully packed suitcase. “Let’s
just say I’m done as of now. Presidency over.” When informed by
Washington Post reporter David Broder that his presidency would
continue through early January, Bush stared at him quizzically, sighed,
and shuffled silently back into the White House.
At The Onion.